Beyond the War of the Sexes – Understanding Energies

Over a month ago, I promised a fellow blogger Dan Munro, that I would do a blog about one of his, he didn’t pay me to write this – “brilliant” blog from Inspirational Life –

What fascinated me was his explanation of how certain men had interpreted to the Feminist movement had caused many men to become “passive” sexually, due to their concern about being viewed as chauvinists, sexual deviants, etc.  Basically, these men have psychologically emasculated themselves and feel safer to wait for women’s green light for them to make the sexual initiative, rather than assertively setting the scene for sex.

Maybe it isn’t politically correct to challenge the outcomes of the Feminist Movement, but here we are with a strange situation where there are more single people than ever who have no clue as to how to go about courting each other, more confused than ever as to how to love each other.

I have been pondering this forever, since my parents divorced when I was 4 years of age, and had observed the confusing dynamics between my mother and her boyfriends, and my father and his girlfriends and 2 wives, and then on to my own attempts at figuring out the holy grail of relationships.  How has something – male/female relationships – which has over-populated the planet, suddenly become such a mystery to the most “educated” people on the planet?

Perhaps it was always a mystery?  Look at the story of Adam and Eve.  It is clear that they had different agendas, and were ignorant of this dissonance until it was too late.

Man_Woman talking

For more of Wiley Miller’s humor on relationships – check this out!

While doing my daily meditation, the thought came to me – perhaps our problem is not – women being more like men, and men being more like women, and us all being confused about this, but rather that we are stuck in the mythology of what IS male and female.  And certainly it is the LGBTQ movement that brings this up most forcefully.

I suggest we look at the idea of masculine as a gender-neutral concept of assertive energy ( which both men are able to access within themselves) and that the feminine  is a gender-neutral concept of receptive energy (which again both men and women are capable of accessing within themselves.)  I believe what we need to understand is not how to be more like men or women, but rather how to properly express assertive and receptive energies and which situations calls for which kind of energy.

Once we loosen ourselves from the IMPORTANCE of masculine and feminine as determinants of HOW we should act, then we can liberate ourselves and society from the shaming that comes with men and women acting outside of the societal norms.

Man_Woman Basic Instructions

For more of Scott Meyer’s Brilliant Basic Instructions – Check out his Archives!

Now, perhaps you think, this is exactly what was the motive of the Feminist movement, to abolish the sexual stereotypes. Well, perhaps that was the intention in some circles.  But what happened is that the world just got a bit more aggressive, as both women and men turned away from the receptive and nurturing energies, to focus on asserting themselves in the world.  Ironically, in the early days of the women’s movement, it was women who were the most hostile to women who chose to “stay home”, as if these stay-at-home Mom’s were copping out in some way.

What ended up happening is that while women were “liberated” into the workplace, the rules never changed to accommodate the different energies, skill sets, and needs of women.  The workplace remained the domain of men, and women just had to fit in as best they could.  And yes, women adapted successfully, but they have yet to be equitably rewarded for it either professionally or personally.  Plus there was a price to be paid.  Women have bought the propaganda that assertive energies are always better than receptive energies, to this day, have become less fluent in accessing their receptive energies in an empowering way.  It is only now, in the new economy of start-ups and the proliferation of freelance/solo-preneurs, that women are starting to reshape the workplace according to their needs and preferences.

And I think because our society has become so market-driven, that until the idea of promoting  what is typically referred to as “feminine” energy, but I want to refer to as receptive, is seen as profitable to the society as a whole … we will remain imbalanced as a society.

As a little worldview sidenote –

I think deep in the world political/economic system – the intransigence is not much against the earth and women, but against this idea of receptive energy.  A perfect example of this is Fossil fuels vs. sustainable fuels –  Fossil fuel producers have typically drilled into the earth and extracted the resources, leaving the earth ravaged and barren.  Solar and wind, hydro-electric – technology is built to receive the energy/power of the earth with the earth left in its original state.

Man_Woman carbon credits

If you want to waste days of your life laughing check out Joy of tech’s archives since 2000!  

If we take away the male/female labeling, we can be more pragmatic about how to use our energies best in what arenas … in the case of energy production – assertively and aggressively extracting resources is not sustainable, but promoting the technology to efficiently receive and collect what we already have is sustainable into the unforeseen future.

And if we return to the more personal exchange of assertive vs. receptive energies between lovers – what we really need to understand is – what are the preferences of our lovers’.  In Dan Munro’s post – he echos what I have read/heard about many women wanting to be “ravaged”, for men to “take control.”  And while I agree to some extent to this preference, let’s not go broad strokes here – we don’t want to turn back the clock so that we are stuck with one way of being as a man or woman.  We just need to tune into what we and our partners’ want at the time.

I really think it is about knowing who you are, and what you want in each situation as it arrives.  And this means being open and accepting which are both receptive skills that set the scene for a more successful sexual relationship.  In order to assert one’s preferences, one’s partner needs to be receptive, and vice versa.  It isn’t about men or women being ONE way or the other, but just using the energy tools from camps assertive and receptive as needed.

IF we tie the idea of assertive solely to masculine ways of being , and receptive solely to feminine ways of being, we really are painting ourselves into a very cramped box, that limits our imaginations whether they be in the bedroom or the boardroom.

This is an idea that I really want to stretch to its limits … so I may be ruminating upon it for a while.  You have been warned : )


My New BLOG is in TOWN

Okay, okay!  I have always hated the distinction of personal and political.  Truthfully, I don’t believe in that separation.  But at the same time, I understand why it exists, especially in the United States.  Our political life and our political discussions can get so cantankerous and controversial that we can end up hating our best beloveds without this artificial divide.

On the one hand, we realize that at the end of the day, it is best we get along as individuals, and neighbors and family members … and secretly we might prefer to live next to quiet (fill in the blank with your worst political enemy ________) who keep to themselves and know how to be a good neighbor, than our political compatriots who play their music too loud or park in our parking space, and make lewd comments or eyes at us or anyone else in our household.

At the end of the day – it is all about which rules are most important to be followed in which realm, and people are complex.  So we play this little dance, of being different selves with different people, according to what our commonground is …. the is how REAL people behave in the world.  Why can’t politicians behave that way?

Well, in the theme of divided realities, I have created a new blog

Survival Tips for the 21st Century: A Renaissance Woman Finds Her Way in the World

I created this separate place, so that I express myself with a different voice and in a more personal manner.  In this blog, the tone I have set, can sometimes be fairly raw … and I need to have a writing space where I can express the softer and more personal side of Lizadeeza.

So … I will continue writing my rants here …. trying to keep up to a weekly commitment, but I will also be trying to build up this new blog … so wish me well!


Post – Modern battle between David & Goliath : Elizabeth Warren takes on the U.S. Banking System –

There were fireworks in Washington D.C. last week . No there wasn’t a holiday. It was the fall-out from Senator from Massachusetts, Elizabeth Warren verbally ripped into Citigroup and its historical corrupting influence in Washington.  Citigroup has been front row and center to the crafting of Federal banking policy since the Clinton administration.  Ms. Warren goes through this intimate corporate/government relationship in the following video.


Citigroup and Gov ties graphic

Well, long story-short, after Ms. Warren’s chastising – we are at status quo, one big love fest between the government and Citigroup.  Here is a small thing YOU can do to let the folks up in the Capitol that you DO NOT APPROVE of their illicit relationship financed by your tax dollars.  Sign the petition below to demand that Obama replace the present under-secretary to the treasury, whose proud resume includes advising Burger King to undergo corporate inversion.

B_King cartoon

Burger King is now owned by Brazilian Company – 3D – and could give a DAMN about the Americans it underpays and profits from.

This means that Burger King merely was advised by Warren Buffet’s Berkshire Hathaway to merge with a foreign company (Tim Horton of Canada) so it can Presto-CHANGO become Canadian, and thus free itself of the burden of paying American Corporate taxes.  Never mind that the King was born here, he is renouncing his citizenship.  And never mind MOST Of the King’s profits that made it into the Behemoth of junk food it is today came from the US … The King is doing a slam-bam-thank-you-Mam to the American consumer and hiding out North of the Border. Leave it to a KING to treat the Americans like peasants. I can tell you one thing, I will NEVER set foot in a Burger King again.  But that is another petition/boycott to come.

The March of Entitlement – Back in the day of Occupy Wallstreet


I have been an active commenter on a number of sites for a few years now, and am impressed with how a good debate can get even right-wingers or liberatarians to start to come to the table and start having a reasonable conversation where we are seeing eye-to-eye on certain issues.  And one of the issues that is becoming a point of agreement is that EVERYBODY hates the banks, people, conservative, tea-party left, liberatarian, green and progressive … the 99 per cent of the population that is.

And this is something that the Democratic party  needs to seriously consider if they don’t want to hand the WHOLE of the country over to the Republicans in two years.  It isn’t that their democratic constituency doesn’t care about the DIREction of the country but rather, they just see the Democrats who are running by and large acting Republican-lite when it comes to dealing with policies associated with anything from corporate oversight and regulation to ending corporate tax loopholes and legacy corporate subsidies.  And what does the Democratic constituency do when their leaders fail them?  They vote with their feet AWAY from the ballot box.  We saw it this fall, with the loss of the Democratic-majority senate.  Democrats are purists.  We want our leaders to walk their talk.  The Republican constituency may be satisfied with lies and doubletalk, but Democrats are not.  Democrats are a complex bunch, but what we can agree on is that we have had ENOUGH of corporations stealing our government with OUR taxdollars!

And what troubles me, is that the Democratic party is soooo incredibly out of touch that they don’t get how outraged the American public has been about the bank bail-outs for gambling with their money.  So out of touch that Hilary Clinton is thought to be the shoo-in for the Democratic Presidential race.

The same Hilary Clinton, whose history is tied to the Whitewater banking scandals of the 80’s is .  And can we not forget that she was first lady when the whole banking deregulation began with the destruction of Glass-Steagall act that had prohibited banks and securities from operating under the same roof.  Either the Democratic party is intent upon self-destruction or they are so wrapped up in corruption that it will take a popular revolution against the whole government for them to reconsider their ineptitude at serving their constituency.

When reading the comments from the above video, I noticed that there is a sizeable anti-Hilary contingent in the left. They see her as  in bed with the banks and the frackers, as well as being a war-hawk. And people have been saying that Hilary is not a valid choice and will either sit out the election or write in a candidate rather than vote for her.

I think what Democratic leaders NEED to understand these days is that the majority of their constituency will NOT vote PERIOD unless they are authentically representing the issues that people care about. This is why we lost the Senate – too many Democrats are Republican-lites and are tragically out of touch with their constituency. And this is why people are getting excited about Elizabeth Warren, both Left and Right – because there are so few politicians on either side that actually are walking their talk when it comes to serving the interests of the people and taking on the the corporatocracy that is consuming America as we speak. Elizabeth Warren is our “David” fighting our Goliath (the Banks).

In the World: The People Must Write New Rules, While the Establishment Breaks the Old Ones

While my highschool classmates were rebelling as Punks, or conforming like Preps in the 80’s, I was digging into the history of Latin America with its:  Latin-American death squads in El Salvador; Sandinista Revolution in Nicaragua against the CIA supported government; United Fruit’s corruption of Guatemalan politics; the 10’s of thousands of disappearances of citizens in Argentina.  And more often than not, I would discover how the U.S. was involved on the wrong side – allying with oppressive, violent, and corrupt dictatorships against the Peoples of Latin America.  This investigation into the seedy underbelly of the U.S. governments’ secret alliances and military actions, initiated me into my first personal political crisis.  How does one come to terms with being an American, when being so links you with a government capable of such evil actions and alliances?


From 15 till perhaps my 40’s, I hated the thought of even thinking of myself as an American – like a child of a serial killer who denies their parentage.  And on a personal level it gave me solace to deny this identity of mine, and allowed me to psychologically disassociate from the dirty-politics of my country, but it also was a cop-out.  I have spoken about this before, my lack of political participation in the past.  It wasn’t for lack of caring or of knowledge.  But I was so aggrieved with the political apparatus that was connected to the Latin American historical horrors as I had become acquainted with from the age of 15 , that I refused to ever consider getting involved in politics.  Historically, Americans have always thought of politics as a “dirty business.”  Politicians and lawyers, who often become politicians may be powerful, may have money, but generally neither is generally considered an entirely respectable career.  We all know, that at the basis of our laws – lawyers/politicians often choose to lie/deceive in order to achieve their goals.  No other professions give such leeway for corrupt behavior.  But in American politics it is accepted.

And here we are, as a Nation, being represented by a bunch of corrupt goons, who bought, bribed, lied, and schemed their way into power – few of them sincerely representing the will of the people.  When I engage in debates with Republicans or Libertarians, they accuse me of being a Democrat or a Radical.  And I have issue with both labels.  I am registered as a Democrat, because I want to vote in the primaries which determine the Democratic candidate, but beyond that I don’t support the Democratic Party’s inability to champion the issues that their constituents really care about: – raising the minimum wage; health care for EVERYONE without insurance interference; gun control; Student Debt Reform; money OUT of politics; environmental/health issues – GMO-Labeling; Regulation of Fossil Fuel producers concerning pollution – Fracking; Coal Company Emissions.

And of course, since I actually care about the quality of life, air, environment, and food of the average person in this country – I am labeled a radical by the right-wingers.  Really?  They encourage me to “trust” the corporations that have FIRST say in the governance of this nation.  And they call ME naïve.

So now, that those who are the prostitutes of the Fortune 500 now have majority control of both the American Senate and House – what exactly is an American Citizen to do?

What do we do?  We fight harder.  We organize better.  We invent new political tools. We inform ourselves about the issues,and we make our voices heard.  And most importantly, we need to realize we are NOT alone.   All over the world, people are fighting for the same issues that we care about.  We need to unite with our brothers and sisters globally – to let the power elites know the PEOPLE are watching out for each other and we have each other’s backs!  And Once We the People, Recognize our TRUE STRENGTH and start USING it … there will be NO WAY  of stopping US!

In the Name of International Unity

The U.S. is closely allied with Pakistan and Saudi Arabia.  Yet both of their governments are extremely repressive of freedom of speech; political participation; civil rights, especially of women; and freedom of religion – supporting an interpretation of Islam that is particularly rigid and hostile toward non-Muslims.  These governments speak with forked tongues – On the one hand, condemning the “evil western” ways, which the U.S. symbolizes, speaking to their countrymen, and on the other hand, making military deals with the U.S. – to protect their particularly oppressive ways of life.

 In the petition below, women in Saudi Arabia are denied the legal right to drive.  Never mind voting, or freedom of speech, or press, or of political gathering, or religion … none of those things are permitted either in the ABSOLUTE monarchy of Saudi Arabia.  Absolute meaning the King’s word is tantamount to Allah’s word.  And the US taxpayers are paying for the military costs of the base parked on Saudi soil.  But since we don’t have any say as to how our government continually rips us off with its immoral military expenses, perhaps we can help the Saudi women gain the right to drive.  And the U.S. alliance with this dictatorship will become just a little less gag-worthy.

Saudi Women - We can Drive

Below is a petition is to save the life of Asia Bibi, a  Pakistani who was wrongfully accused of blasphemy – the punishment of which is the death penalty.  Seriously, we are political and military allies with a nation that will kill people for saying something anti-Islamic?  How is Pakistan any better than Iran then?

Asia Bibi - Pakistan

And while these two petitions are targeting governments of Muslim countries, I want to state that I do not have a vendetta against Islam itself.  For over 10 years I have intensively studied both Islam and the politics of Muslim majority countries.  And I have come to the conclusion, that much of the hostilities between Christianity and Islam have to do with the power-elites of both manipulating the power of religions to accomplish nefarious goals.  No government should have “control” or “legislate” the human spirit!


My last entry for International Consideration is a short video –  Over the past four years, the Unist’ot’en clan of the Wet’suwet’en nation have literally built a strategy to keep three proposed oil and gas pipelines from crossing their land. Concerned about the environmental damage a leak could cause on land they’ve never given up, they’ve constructed a protection camp to block pipeline companies. As opposition to the development of Alberta’s tar sands and to fracking projects grows across Canada, with First Nations communities on the front lines, the Unist’ot’en camp is an example of resistance that everyone is watching.

What is of particular interest is how effectively the Unist’ot’en clan of the Wet’suwet’en nation has worked politically as a community and with international supporters.  Our governments could learn a thing or a million from them.  Where are the political science PhD candidates of the future – they should haul their asses up to Canada to document this!

Beauty-Body Commodity : You Don’t have to be a Model to Save the World

I care about my looks, just as much as any other woman, but I have to say I refuse to spend the dollars and hours that the advertising culture requires of me. If I take more than a half hour to get ready for a date or event – where I end up looking as good as I can, anyway – I feel mournful for precious time lost.  I have always felt it far more fulfilling to spend more money and time on the development of my mind. And if it comes to spending time and money on my body – it better be fun and stimulating in ways BEYOND the beauty benefits – like dancing or yoga or hiking.  I would prefer a heavy thonk on the head than spend an hour on a treadmill, which is LITERALLY – running nowhere fast!

And all sorts of thoughts tumble out of my head when I reflect upon this whole beauty business

  • How we as women allow ourselves to be manipulated and seduced by media into thinking that either we are more or less lovable/desired if we made this or that adjustment to our faces and bodies.
  • How we compete against and sometimes despise other women, who “seem to be” more successful than we are due to their ability to achieve some sort of culturally approved standard of beauty.
  • How young girls commit suicide for either being “too pretty” or not “pretty enough” as a result of bullying by their peers.
  • How girls’ performance in school takes a nose-dive as soon as she starts noticing boys and becomes preoccupied with her beauty image as young as 10 years of age. (In a 2012 report by UNESCO – 2/3 of the 792 million illiterate people worldwide are women.)
  • How we are constantly complaining about “not enough time” to do the things that really matter in our lives, but how much energy or time do we spend either pursuing some beauty-adjusting activity or mentally punishing ourselves for not being as pretty as “that woman or girl”?

When do we finally take ownership of our bodies and our lives and start making our own rules?

I ask this as a woman who grew up in the women’s lib era, with a single Mom who went bra-less, and walked around the house naked. And of course, I was grossed out by this as a teenager.  My Mom could have been fighting beside the women’s libbers, but she made her own rules.  In spite of sexism, she excelled in male dominated fields of engineering and the military reserves.  She dated good men without having to resort to drastic beauty measures.  I don’t think she has ever owned a blow-dryer.  In her 40’s she met the love-of-her-life while hang-gliding.  He was 16 years her junior.  I don’t ever remember her ever complaining about her looks, or going on a diet, or going on an exercise routine for her weight.  She was pear-shaped and proud. Family members would always compliment on how she never gained weight , and stayed so youthful.  And she rarely wore more than a little eyeshadow and lip gloss.

My mother was the counterbalance to my grandmother’s influence – who piled her hair into elaborate beehive hair-do’s, had a 6 foot wide by 8 inch deep dresser drawer full of jewelry; always put on her “face” before going out; did her nails  up to her 90th birthday, and wore high heels to do housework for 20 years.  My grandmother was my favorite person of all time, but I never had her patience for creating a “beauty image.”  And I knew very well how often the smile she painted on – was JUST THAT – a smile for company.  The same painted lips would tell me, countless times of how she once had a lovely singing voice and lost it to a severe case of laryngitis; how her father prohibited her from pursuing her talent in painting telling her that she would “starving standing up;” how she excelled at ballet as a girl, then broke her foot, lost her dancer’s body and then wasn’t permitted to dance in the recitals; and how she had to give up a career in management, when she married.

CRAZY ME LUV U - Peach Heat

When Crazy thinks She’s Beautiful

How much a difference a couple of decades made in the lives of these two women.  But the obsessive preoccupation with beauty carries over from my Gramma’s time.  And this is something we share with women around the globe.  As soon as women, have a little bit of expendable income or time – more often than not we spend it on something to make us appear “more beautiful.”

But what if we started re-evaluating what BEAUTY really is to us?  Discovering for ourselves, a Beauty that is actually fulfilling? In my mother’s case – she pursued beauty in mind, spirit, egalitarian relationships, healthy activity.  And while my Grandmother seemed to overcompensate with a pursuit of outer Beauty, her mind and soul longed to express it in creativity.  To my Grandmother’s credit, everything she did, she did with an educated sense of Beauty.  She was one of the unsung domestic goddesses.  But what mattered the most was  that she felt she had even more to give to the world.

Her world, prior to the women’s lib movement forced her to hide behind a pretty mask and make the best of the life she had, while mourning the loss of other ways to express her inner beauty.

But those of us blessed to live in this day and age, in societies that allow us to express our whole selves, and participate fully in the economic and political world – many of us are STILL hiding behind our Pretty Masks.  We seem to care more about whether the world sees us a “attractive” than whether we have something intelligent to say, or something useful to provide.

We are so much more!  And we need to focus upon BECOMING the beauty we long to be, rather than painting or pruning our bodies and faces to feign appearances of loveliness.  We need to start taking the risk to become MORE than a pretty face or body.

Women understand that the pursuit of beauty is a survival strategy.  But what if we extended this strategy of beautification to insure the survival of the world beyond our physical self – beyond  our inner self?  What is more beautiful than the reality of peace, or the experience of love?  Could Beauty be an essential characteristic of the sustainable life, or economy, or political life?  As we stretch our lovely muscles, we need to stretch our even more magnificent minds … toward bringing about a more beautiful world.

This post is in response to  

“What is beauty” – and my participation in Blog 101 and Writing 101 for the next month.